What About Rihanna? Blaming the Victim, as Usual

By Lauren Williams, BlackVoices.com

There's an oft-quoted joke from Chris Rock's infamous 1996 comedy show 'Bring the Pain,' in which Rock, after listing to a variety of alleged infractions the murdered Nicole Brown Simpson had committed against O.J. Simpson, says "I'm not saying he should have killed her, but I understand." Hilarious, right? I probably laughed at that once. But it's not funny at all.

Lately, I've seen this quote invoked in comments across the blogosphere in reference to the Chris Brown-Rihanna saga. Apparently, it's not so much a joke as it is a popular and accepted attitude toward violence against women in our community and beyond, particularly when the alleged assailant is a celebrity. Although we've seen the photo of Rihanna's bruised and bloodied face, to be clear, no one knows exactly what happened between Brown and Rihanna in their rented Lamborghini on that February morning, and our laws state that everyone is innocent until proven guilty. We may never find out -- it's been rumored that Rihanna will decline to press charges and that the two are back together. But based on anecdotal evidence gathered from blogs and in conversations with friends and acquaintances, most people readily believe that Brown's fists did indeed cause those ugly marks on Rihanna's face. But many of those people also seem to believe that, if Brown beat Rihanna, she had to have been asking for it in some way.

The College Survival Guide

A Fridge
Regardless of whether you have a wonderful sized meal plan, your fridge may come in handy with leftovers or when you feel like stocking it with bottled drinks.

Computer
The convenience of a computer is essential when sending your kids off to college. Forget the hike to the computer lab across campus students need a computer in the comfort of their room. A printer comes in handy as well. Depending on whether your child plans to carry his laptop around campus, you might opt for a desk top since they're lighter on the pockets.

Snacks
You will surely survive with off of a meal plan but it doesn't hurt to stock up on snacks when you don't feel like leaving your dorm room. Bottled water, pop corn, cereal and Ramen noodles are all low budget snacks to stock up on. Just be weary of the freshman 15.

Things from home
Some college students suffer from homesickness the first year. It's best to surround yourself with things like photos of the family, pillows or even stuffed animals. Anything that reminds your child of home.

MP3 Player
With all the stress that comes from school and exams, sometimes it's nice to block out the chaos in your life and even your roommate with music. It's nearly impossible to find students walking to class who aren't jamming to tunes.

Budget
Students who enter college often come in at the ripening age of 18. A great time for credit cards. Parents beware, your child may end up ruining their credit at a young age

Alarm Clock
When you're in college you don't have the luxury of getting awaken by your parents. It's now your responsibility to get to class on time so alarm clocks are a must. But keep your roommate in mind. You shouldn't wake him up ever morning with a blow horn alarm.

Cleaning supplies
Now you don't necessarily need to bring in the rubber gloves, mop and gas mask but it doesn't hurt to bring along Clorox all purpose wipes for spills or dust. Vacuums and brooms come in handy too depending if you have a carpeted dorm.

Bedding
What most parents aren't aware of is that most college beds are twin sized but extra long and require special sheets. When shopping keep your eye open for sheets that clearly state 'extra long' or else your child may come up short.

Shower shoes
You really don't know what some people do in the shower these days. College showers are known to be creeping with germs so spare yourself the fungus and purchase flip flops for the shower. You'll thank us later!

Rumors and weak justifications abound: "she gave him an STD," "all those island girls are crazy," "if she hit him first, she deserved what she got," and, of course, "I wouldn't have hit her, but I understand." I've heard these things from educated black men, read them from blog commenters emboldened by their mask of anonymity and even overheard them tossed around in a conversation on the subway between a couple of heartbroken teens trying to understand why their beloved C-Breezy might have brutalized his famous girlfriend. As much as Chris Brown's reputation has been ruined as a result of these allegations, Rihanna -- the one with bruised and bloodied face -- has been dragged through the mud as well.

If Brown and Rihanna are indeed moving forward with their relationship, they might hope that this all gets brushed under the rug. But should it? This situation has raised serious questions not just about domestic violence in our community, but also about our general attitude toward violence against our women

Consider this hypothetical scenario: Chris Brown exits a club after a night of drinking, encounters a cop and insults him. The cop tries to arrest him, but he resists. The policeman beats him to a bloody pulp. Let's imagine the reaction in the black community. Technically, he would have "started it," but I strongly doubt anyone would say he deserved what he got. Marches would be organized in his honor. Al Sharpton would hold a press conference! Barack Obama would be pressured into making a comment.

As a community, we will almost always take the side of the black man over the police. We stand up against police brutality. Why don't we stand up for our women? As insidious and rampant as police brutality and racial profiling are, violence against women is just as, if not more, rampant and insidious. It's a global epidemic as old as time.

In the United States, the leading cause of death for black women ages 15-34 is murder by a former or current intimate partner. African American women experience domestic violence at a rate that's 35 percent higher than that of white women. This is not a joke. If we were smarter, we would take this situation and turn it into a chance to grow as a community. If we cared more about violence against our women, we would use this as an example of how domestic violence can affect anyone, anywhere, at any time. Instead, we make jokes. We excuse alleged bad behavior and blame the one who is bloody and bruised. We say "if he did it, he must have had a good reason."

But even if many of these rumors about Rihanna's personality are true, even if she threw his keys out of the car, even if she passed some disease on to Chris Brown, even if "she started it," she did not deserve to be beaten. No one does. There is no justification. There is no good reason. Chris Rock might understand, but I never, ever, will.

Domestic Violence Resources
National Teen Dating Abuse Helpline
The Violence Against Women Office
National Coalition Against Domestic Violence
Institute of Domestic Violence in the African American Community