The details surrounding the death of her sister are haunting.
Renate, the sister of MSNBC "News Nation" host Tamron Hall, was found face down in the pool of her own home in 2004. There were signs of a struggle. Her sister's hair had been pulled from the back of her head, and the nails on each of her sister's finger were broken.
Hall knew her sister described her relationship with the man she loved as a "love-hate" situation and one where they would "break up to make up." But the night she died, Hall's sister had, had enough:
"My mother spoke with my sister that night, and I know she told my mother she wanted out of the relationship and it was time to move. She also spoke with my younger brother that night, and the next morning, my sister was dead," Hall told Aol. Black Voices in an interview.
And although it's too late for her sister, Hall is out sharing her personal story in an effort to help younger women. Hall also works with Day One, a New York City organization dedicated to the issue of teen domestic violence. As part of National Domestic Violence Awareness Month, Hall recently hosted Day One's fundraiser and did a story on her new show, "News Nation with Tamron Hall," about the issue of domestic violence
"She has been a wonderful advocate. When people in prominent positions come forward to discuss their individual situation, it can make a big difference on the population," Stephanie Nilva, executive director for Day One, told Aol. Black Voices in an interview.
In many ways, Renata's story is similar to what happens to many women.
"The most dangerous time for people is when they are trying to end a relationship. When they go to get a restraining order or they try leaving a person or other ways to put a stop to the violence, the stalking or violence can increase because that person feels a loss of control," said Nilva.
The numbers regarding domestic violence are staggering. One in four women will experience domestic violence in their lifetime with an estimated 1.3 million physically assaulted by an intimate partner every year. Much of that abuse is never reported to police. One-third of female homicide victims are killed by an intimate partner.
For black women, the numbers are even worse. The top cause of death for black women ages 15 to 34 is homicide at the hands of an intimate partner. From 1993 to 1998, black females experienced intimate partner violence at a rate 35% higher than that of white females, and about 22 times the rate of women of other races. Only 17 percent of black women reported the abuse to police.
Hall said part of talking about her sister's murder has taught her that she was not alone.
"For me, you instantly know that your family is not alone. I know my sister is and was not alone in her struggle to leave the relationship," said Hall. "A lot of people have this image of a girl with bad self-esteem or her parents were not strong or her family was not close and that's just a myth. My sister was very close to our family. My dad was a master sergeant in the army and my mom was an educator. We were a very close family and very open. My sister's self-esteem, as far as I know, she never had weak self-esteem. She was always very confident."
Hall said she meets many women in the same situation:
"Many of the girls I've met at Day One are the same way. They are in college, they have great personalities and are charming, bold and dependable young girls who, like my sister, end up in these relationships that they can't for whatever reason walk away from, even though in their hearts and minds they know it's wrong and they need to get out of the relationship. This experience just really just opened my eyes to the fact that my sister was not on some island alone and that what happened to her should be rare but it is not."
Although Hall says her sister's male partner was named as a person of interest in the case, there was never enough evidence to charge him. Her family felt the effects of her sister's murder. Four years after the death, Hall says her normally healthy father, who had exhibited signs of depression since the incident, passed away at the age of 78 after a brief illness.
"My father died without ever seeing the person who police named as the primary and only suspect charged. My father passed away when he was 78. He was in great health. He got around. He was not frail. He got a cold that turned to pneumonia, but my mother and I have had the conversation many times over that part of my father died when my sister died," Hall said. "When my father did pass away, my mother said she thinks that losing my sister played a great part in his ability to fight back, that some part of him was lost. He was a strong Dad and no Dad wants to see anything happen to any of his children but especially his daughters."
To help prevent other families from feeling that pain, Hall is working with Day One to advocate for longer periods for restraining orders and tougher penalties for violating those orders.
"We are looking at legislation to protect people to increase the time of orders of protection and put some teeth behind it so these individuals know if they cross the line, they are going to jail," Hall said. "That's what I like about Day One. It's not just a support group; they are actively involved in influencing legislation to show people who choose to abuse that we mean business, that it is not a crime we take lightly."
Education is also a big part of the process. Hall said she admires Day One for reaching out to young men and teaching them that hitting or abusing women is never right. Young women also need to learn the early signs of abuse, such as a boyfriend who keeps too close tabs or beats up other boys. Too often, Hall said, young girls mistake those warning signs for signs of affection:
"It's so easy to mistake that as crazy in love...he's crazy about me. They don't realize that's not appropriate behavior," said Hall.
Nilva said they are pushing for all 50 states to adopt relationship training in to the curriculum, so young people learn how to prevent it starting in elementary school.
"We focus on systemic change, because it gives an opportunity to make changes for broad numbers of people," said Nilva. "What we hear from survivors we help is that they wish they had someone in high school who had talked to them about this or that they didn't come forward because they thought it was just their relationship. When you mandate programs that teach about domestic abuse, you can cut down on that."
Hall said the response to coming out with her sister's story has been tremendous and that everyone can be active in preventing and helping those who are victims of domestic violence:
"The key is to move the ball forward and do something about the problem. If there's somebody in your family, don't stop talking. Listen and encourage them. My mother listened to my sister that night and she encouraged her to leave, but it was too late for us," said Hall. "But if people are willing to talk, you be willing to listen and help them out of the situation. If they get mad at you because you are being nosy and pushing them, so be it."



Comments: (146)
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By: Shellfish789 on 10/14/2010 8:22PM
This is a sad story and it breaks my heart to see such a BEAUTIFUL young lady murdered......Some of these men would rather see you dead than to let you go........getting a restraining order is not easy.....and for Black women it is even harder or impossible.....For some reason they tend to believe White women more being a victim.....I once live in this building and it was two Black couple in the building...the super (who was a foreign Black male) felt it was his duty to follow only the Blacks in the building which was 3 out of 100 people that live there.....he would follow the Black couple 15 y/o daughter into the laundry room and knock on the door when the parents was away......he traumatized the girl....the management did nothing about him.....He would sit on my car as I come out, he watched me as I come and go... and what I was moving in...he watch what type of things or future I was bringing in......then he asked me "How Did YOU get this apartment"...it was 2 years of HELL....he started coming and throwing my welcome mat against my door at night, watching me when I had company, made it a point to get into the elevator when I got in and I tried TWO TIMES to get a restraining order...But the LADY at the BROOKLYN District told me "SINCE HE DID NOT DO ANY PHYSICAL HARM, we can not GIVE YOU A RESTRAINING ORDER", I had her to put this in writing that she did not give me a restraining order just in case something happened to me.....I called the police and They did not believe me and did not take a police report....I even took the management to court...they had their BIG time lawyers and I could not fight it...I wanted to break my lease because my apartment was unlivable...I also most had a nervous break down. because of this situation...... The Black couple who live there told me their story and the man told the super "If My daughter come up missing....I'm coming after you"...when the daughter became of age she move away to go to school....so what I'm saying.....RETRAINING ORDERS do not work......and if you are a Black women....they do not take it serious...IF I WAS WHITE...he would have been locked up...the first time I reported him.......
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By: Praise the Lord on 10/17/2010 2:28PM
Shelfish 789;
please don't fuel the flames of hatred and bigotry with misinformation. It does not just happen to black women-the police ignoring claims! I am white, I had two abusive, white Husbands. When the first one showed up at my house one night and in front of many witnesses threatened to " burn it to the ground " I called the police who also said " unless he has done something physical-nothing we can do! " I asked what about terroristic threats? They said even though witnesses heard him, since they were MY friends and not his-that wouldn't be impartial. So the next night he burned it down and then they believed. Later, the next Husband-also white-was abusing me and my kids and even my parents whom we were living with-his favorite trick was to upset us, hit us, then grab the phone and hold it high above our heads and say each digit as he dialed them " 9....1....1" and when the black cop got here, he would say in FRONT of the abusive husband " did you do that to yourselves? Don't you lie to me girl-I been to places where a woman said the man hit her and suddenly the neighbors come up and say ' she went around the corner and beat her own head against that wall-he didn't touch her!! ' now did he hit you?" Well of course I said yes he did and then the cop dismissed me and when I came back out he was joking with my husband about how he felt for him-had a second wife and step kids too and so on and basically sounded like a woman hater! He left without pressing charges AND warning ME not to make any " more false charges against this fine man! " ???!!! So it's NOT all cops that are bad because finally a black cop saw the look in my eyes of defeat and he arrested my husband and it's NOT just black women who get denied justice! Again please don't demoralize ANY abused woman by trying to say that only white women get the justice-it took years and scars and a burnt house and much emotional damage for me to get mine!
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By: Dthomas on 10/17/2010 2:48PM
I was touched by the story that Ms Hall shared regarding her sister. I Co Executive Director of a Domestic Vilolent program in Wahington DC. We produce monthly newsletters and would love permission to post this ariticle. Further, I offer my compliments to Ms Hall as a News Cster, she is simpily superb. I wish her the best in her career. Please reply regarding my request. We also love to have her speak at one of our fundraisers in the future.
Best
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By: tom on 10/17/2010 3:17PM
thats a bunch of bull its the same for whites too.the laws suck for everyone!!! white black yellow and green. dont use yor colorfor the laws being wrong go out and do something about it!!! get out and vote get the people out!!
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By: e on 10/17/2010 4:54PM
Thank you!! I read that and was about to respond before reading on to read what you wrote
RACE HAS NO PLACE HERE!!! This is a universal problem
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By: ty on 10/17/2010 7:44PM
I like the fact that they mentioned how even college educated "smart" girls get into these situations. It's not only ghetto girls as the media would like people to believe. In fact I think it's probably even more of a concern for good, smart girls who get involved with thugs and troubled men (professional or thug) because these troubled men know they have come up on a prize. they don't want to let that prize go and once the girl realize he's crazy it's too late.
I am very sorry to hear about what happened to ms. hall's sister and thankful that she is helping to bring attention to this matter.
Restraining orders alone don't always work. If a dude is crazy enough he will ignore it. and it's extremely difficult when the girl can't move for whatever reason. I think that families (if there) need to envelope the girl with a support system (otherwise she should leave the area completely), she has to arm herself and get gun training, self-defense courses, and courts need to reassure these women of their rights. in that situation if the guy comes anywhere near a woman on that restraining order or threatens you, that woman should be able to SHOOT HIM and walk free without a care in the world.
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By: critic#1 on 10/17/2010 8:43PM
Have you ever seen the show Snapped. Woman kill men all the time too, and for the same exact reasons. If women were stronger than men, the rates would even be higher. As a matter of fact, put it on the Oxygen channel right now and see for yourself. The only reason there aren't that many statistics on domestic violence against men is because it isn't taken seriousley. Plus when a man calls the cops on a woman, they usually end up taking him to jail(cause woman are really good actresses). For this reason most men don't call.
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By: dana on 10/17/2010 11:33PM
BLAH,BLAH,BLAH : You must be one of those black people that are RACIST against the WHITE people. Don't say that racism does not exist from blacks to whites bacause it does. As a white woman I have experienced it firsthand.You kind of racist black folks need too get a grip on reality.First of all I have many Black friends who are great people . Not every black person is bad, same applys too white people. The BLACK FOLKS like yourself preach RACISM about everything when you dont get your way. The problem with society is no one wants too work together anymore to help anyone else at all. IMAGINE WHAT A WONDERFUL PLACE THIS COUNTRY COULD BE IF PEOPLE SUCH AS YOURSELF COULD CHANGE YOUR WAYS AND BE MORE OPTIMISTIC ABOUT LIFE !!!
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By: april on 10/21/2010 3:03PM
@Praise the Lord
Your right, this type of stuff happens to women of all races!
Sorry those things happened to you!
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By: poetrysez on 10/14/2010 9:15PM
My condolence goes out to Ms. Hall and her family.
MSNBC "News Nation" host Tamron Hall (I will start to watch this show)
“She has been a wonderful advocate. When people in prominent positions come forward to discuss their individual situation, it can make a big difference on the population," Stephanie Nilva, executive director for Day One, told Aol. Black Voices in an interview.”
In many ways, Renata's story is similar to what happens to many women.
"The most dangerous time for people is when they are trying to end a relationship. When they go to get a restraining order or they try leaving a person or other ways to put a stop to the violence, the stalking or violence can increase because that person feels a loss of control," said Nilva.
The worse thing a woman can do is let her partner know -that she is leaving that abusive relationship before she actually is in a safe place. There are agencies that assist with relocating women who are survivors of domestic abuse.
And this should be the first choice-not family or friends because abusers know how to intimidate and follow people ( however family and friends can support the woman with this process but they shouldn't know of her where abouts). For at least a year-there should be no contact with family or friends-just an occasional untraceable call stating that you’re safe and OK.
What’s frightening is that these abusers usually don’t care how many of your family or friends they hurt or kill as long as they stop you from breathing in the process. It’s on the news all of the time.
Domestic violence laws needs to be more tougher/sentencing longer. Family and friends needs to be more aware of the signs of domestic abuse. Sometimes we know but we don’t take it serious enough or address it quick enough. Or we say “why don’t you just leave the relationship?”
I’ll reiterate…a woman should never just up and leave-unless she knows exactly where her abuser is at that moment( which is far away) and she has a safe haven already planned. And please…she should never tell her abuser that she’s leaving!
Leaving is the scariest part-more so than the abuse itself. I know a woman who left her abusive husband and he found out she was gone because when he got home-most of her stuff was gone- neither her nor her family ever spoke to him again.
Computer use can be monitored and is impossible to completely clear. If you are afraid your internet and/or computer usage might be monitored, please use a safer computer, call your local hotline, and/or call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1−800−799−SAFE (7233) or TTY 1−800−787−3224
And use someone else’s phone
Do NOT go to a local shelter because abusers will search shelters.
Survivors of domestic violence are also entitled to relocation funds.
Stay safe ladies and educate yourself on the early signs of domestic violence because it never starts with the abuser physically assaulting you.
Remember love is NOT possessive, humiliating or painful:{
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