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As I was leaving a supermarket in downtown Los Angeles that I frequent with my husband and two sons, an African-American female security guard made the statement, "I told my daughter I want to be just like you. Your family seems so together and happy." We chatted for awhile, and I learned that she was the unwed mother of 4 children and struggling with two jobs to support her family.
As many wives will attest, my first thought was, "It looks good from the outside, but we have our share of issues." I have a deep respect for my husband's place in our sons' lives, and a deeper understanding of its importance. Not only because of the lessons that only a man can teach, but because of the emotional support and stability that comes through having a partner who is as completely vested in your children's well being as you are.
Sadly, that is an existence that many African-American women are not experiencing nor expecting.
According to government statistics, 72 percent of African-American children are born to unmarried Mothers and that is something that Dr. Natalie Carroll, an obstetrician who has dedicated her 40-year career to helping black women, feels is unfortunate.
"The girls don't think they have to get married. I tell them children deserve a mama and a daddy. They really do. A Mama can't give it all. And neither can a Daddy, not by themselves," Dr. Carroll says. "Part of the reason is because you can only give that which you have. A Mother cannot give all that a man can give. A truly involved father figure offers more fullness to a child's life."
This is not just an opinion. According to Children-our investment.org, homes without fathers ultimately affect children in numerous tragic ways:
- 63% of youth suicides are from fatherless homes
- 90% of all homeless and runaway children are from fatherless homes
- 85% of all children who show behavior disorders come from fatherless homes
- 80% of rapists with anger problems come from fatherless homes
- 71% of all high school dropouts come from fatherless homes
- 75% of all adolescent patients in chemical abuse centers come from fatherless homes
- 85% of all youths in prison come from fatherless homes.
There are numerous perspectives that involve dissecting the pathology of the "Unwed Black Mother," and in truth, it is an issue which deserves national attention. Not only does it affect our communities, but it is also a reflection of society as a whole, and the detrimental effects of slavery on the black family.
There was a time, much like now, when black men were perceived as a threat, and ripped apart from their spouses and children, if not murdered before their eyes. The black woman was able -- through wiles and the appearance of subservience -- to stay with her children, but forced into the role of head of household by default.
As slavery ended, and Jim Crow was ushered in, black men, victims of segregation and occupational and educational disparities, found themselves in the dangerous position of having to provide for their families by any means necessary.
Today, that translates into racially motivated prolonged prison sentencing, some of our women bartering their sexuality for safety and security, our men doubting the necessity of their presence and our children struggling to understand their worth. The trusting bond between black men and women has been strained, often with neither sure of the motives of the other. Love is often replaced with condescension and resentment, leaving the strength of our families systematically diminished.
"It's all connected. The question should be, how has the black family survived at all?" says Maria Kefalas, co-author of "Promises I Can Keep: Why Poor Women Put Motherhood Before Marriage."
It is our responsibility as a community to regain the familial balance that is integral to our survival as a people. Now many women have had to struggle to raise children on their own, and they are doing a phenomenal job. There are also those women who would prefer their children be raised by a single Mother rather than being in an unhealthy relationship; I applaud that decision as well.
It is our responsibility, though, to check the resumes of these men before we share our bodies to ensure they are not only good for an interlude, but a lifetime of parental involvement.
"There are a lot of sides to this," Dr. Carroll says. "Part of our community has lost its way."
Just because we are capable of being Superwoman and doing it all on our own, does not mean that our children understand our sense of self-preservation and determination, and it is the child who potentially suffers.
We must get it together, black people. Maybe marriage is not necessarily the answer, but a committed relationship would definitely go a long way to ensuring the well-being of our children.
There is too much at stake. There are too many hurdles that must be crossed, and too many odds stacked against us. Our families have always been our greatest strength, and our self-imposed isolation from each other is our greatest weakness. If we are to grow as a people, and reach our full potential, we are going to have to do it together.
While we can blame the government, history, slavery, poverty and a slew of other reasons for the state of our communities and the issues our children face, ultimately, the responsibility falls squarely on the shoulders of the parent in the mirror. And that's exactly where it should be.
Comments: (175)
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By: John Lindsay on 11/08/2010 9:04PM
Here's yet another example where critical thinking skills are sorely lacking.
More care needs to be taken as to how this "72% is perceived, interpreted, etc."
We know that "42% of Black women have never been married," which is a statistic provided on CNN's "Black in America" last year or you can simply get that info from the U.S. Census.
If 42% of Black women have "never been married," what does that mean?!
IT MEANS THAT 58% OF BLACK WOMEN ARE EITHER MARRIED, DIVORCED, OR WIDOWED.
HENCE, THE MAJORITY OF BLACK WOMEN ARE OR HAVE BEEN MARRIED.
In order for a Black woman to hold any of the preceding statuses (married, divorced, widowed)....she had to be married, right?!
Hence, that 42% are having more children than the Black women who are either "married, divorced, or widowed."
However, there is sooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo much focus on the "72%"....that people wrongly interpret that as conveying that "72% of Black women are single and/or never married."
That is wrong...as proven by the 58%.
Two, what would happen to that "72%"...if married Black couples began having more children? Say one or two more per couple?!
That 72% would significantly decrease.
Three, not all "single-parent" Black families are representative of the "stereotypical Black single-parent woman": high school dropout, no work history or skills, little or no coping skills, no parenting skills, etc.
I see many single Black women here in Lexington and surrounding areas, who are not only single, but they're either attending college or college-educated, making over $35,000 per year, etc., etc., etc.
Hence, more research is needed for this issue....to ascertain...."if the children of divorced and widowed Black women"...are being counted as "single-parents."
I lay the blame for the "mis-interpretation of these numbers" on various schools of social work, family studies programs, White talk radio, and "those Blacks who embrace such numbers/mis-interpretations...without challenging the interpretation of the data."
As I wrote above, if "the 58% of Black women who are "married or once married" had more children...that 72% stat would not exist.
You can't view this issue solely in terms of "single-parent Black families."
Basically, this can be characterized by a simple algebraic formula:
As the "percentage represented by X" decreases, Y's percentage increases.
X= children produced by Black married couples.
Y= children produced by non-married individuals.
Thirty years ago, Black married families (like Whites and other groups) had 4 or more children.
Today, such couples are only having one or two.
Hence, that 72% is generated by the "decrease in child production by Black married couples."
But that's NOT what White talk radio, your social work professors, etc...have told you, have they?!
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By: rick on 11/09/2010 2:03AM
Thank you for explaining this figure foe me.
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By: KD on 11/09/2010 9:27AM
you miss the point. it does not say single mothers. it says unwed mothers which sets the stage for a single parent child! which means you are allowing yourself...in this day and time!, to be inpregnated by a maybe that has sveral more! 7 babies by 7 baby dadies...cooome ooon.
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By: Gee on 11/09/2010 10:41AM
A few years ago, it was reported that African-Americans had a 70% divorce rate. If 42% of black women have never been married, then who represents the 70% divorce rate? The 58%? Interestingly, the same census which reported that 42% of black women had never been married, also reported that 44.6% of black men had never been married. Since we just completed a new census this year, I guess new numbers will be out soon.
BTW, the 70% divorce rate among African-Americans was reported in an article in a professional journal. While the national divorce rate was/is 50-51%, the break down by ethnic groups was as follows: White - 39%; Asian-Americans - 42%; Hispanics - 47-48%; African-Americans - 70% ==> thus, the 50%/51% national divorce rate.
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By: Caregiver 1 on 11/09/2010 11:19AM
@ John, you make an excellent example of the axiom that statistics don't lie, the people that used them do. It is obvious that the reverse or the remainder of those percentages is also a significant fact. But in your zealous attempt to defend your analytical prowess you missed the point. What they are saying is that 72% of the black women are having babies outside the confines of marriage. A woman could have been married, had a child within the marriage and gotten divorced and had additional children while divorced. That makes her a unwed mother. This woman would be in the 72%. As for 35k per year, if she has 2 or more kids, she is below the poverty line in many areas. So stop with the extolling the 35k mother. Also there is no benefit in "having been married" but now single when it comes to the raising of the children. The article dealt with a stereotypical nuclear family = mom, dad, child(ren) in the same household at the same time. Continuing until the children complete their primary education. And your algebraeic example is voodoo math. A percentage of the whole automatically takes into consideration the variation of sample size when applied to this type of analysis. The sample was women that made babies when not married. The result was 72% in our (black) community. That is a fact. The question is whether this is a positive step in our evolution or a self-imposed set-back. The statistics show that it is a set-back even when the inequal justice system is taken into account. Common sense should dictate that if it is more likely that a child will experience disadvantages, then perhaps a second thought should be given as to when and why a pregnancy is carried to term. Couple that with the age old mythical notion that a woman knows best when and why to have a baby and you end up just where we are. We have women having children with the wrong people for the wrong reasons with no concern with the children that they produce that end up screwed by the circumstances they were born into. Your defense of this practice has led to things like calling these women "single mothers" rather than "unwed mothers" and their children being called bastards. You see, no one wanted to be an unwed mother and have their children considered a bastard but "single mother" lessens the stigma and almost makes the event noble. The biggest enemy in this situation is that many Black people are sometimey when they demonstrate their religion. A drunk curls up at the toilet hurling his guts out promising to the Creator to just let him make it past this "one last time" only to be in the same position the next weekend. Females engage in consentual, recreational sex with a consenting male that they selected. When both lay together, they had agreed to have sex and nothing more. She later finds out they hit her 48 hour window and she decides to retain the pregnancy until term. She defies all logic and information about the decision and then expects the male to get excited about the upcoming birth. Usually, the male who agreed only to sex, rejects the notion of participatory parenting and settles for having his money taken from him. The female has convinced herself through her sudden religious conversion that she is doing morally correct work because she retained the pregnancy. By the way there is nothing in any Biblical text that states that sin in weighted causing "sin light" or "sin forgivable" with "sin heavy and unforgivable. Bottom line is that this represents a unfortunate state of affairs in the Black community and religious leaders add to the problem because they counsel women to retain the pregnancy as if an abortion is one sin beyond the forgiveness quota of the Creator. Peace
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By: patti777 on 11/09/2010 11:47AM
You can nit pick about statistics all you want, but the reality is our prisons. The reality is in the hugh number of our sisters who are raising children with no fathers. The cycle continues whether you chose to see it or not. Why spend time bickering over statistics? We need to seek real solutions that will provide father figures for our fatherless children.
I suggest that those black men and women, who are willing, take a little time to include the fatherless, and underparented in their lives.
Try this: http://www.bbbs.org/site/c.9iILI3NGKhK6F/b.5962335/k.BE16/Home.htm, Big Brothers/Big Sisters site to see what you can do!
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By: Mahoganylife on 11/12/2010 6:11PM
Amen, Amen, Amen John! Thank you for being the voice of reason on this topic. Truth is that any outcome you seek can be determined with statistics, depending on the questions asked in the survey and what segment (race & sex) of the population those questions are directed to.. People need to realize this and do research on their own, before they just start believing any and all statisics reported. In addition to your comments, people need to keep in mind that over the past 10 years, there has been a growing trend for single, educated Black women to choose to have children without the involvment of a man by taking advantage of options such as sperm donors. THINK PEOPLE...THINK!
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By: paul on 11/11/2010 12:23AM
It says they are "BORN to unwed mothers". Not that they are in single parent homes after a divorce or something. They're specifically talking about marital status at the time of birth. The statistic does not take into consideration how the mother achieved her single status and it specifically leaves out the marital status of parents after the kids are born.
And you saying that 'if married blacks had more kids it would balance out the number of unmarried blacks' is absurd. Of course the statistic would be different if the facts were different.
The fact is that 72% of black kids are BORN to unwed mothers. Interpret it as you will, but don't say it would be different if things were different. That's just meaningless.
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By: blk on 11/09/2010 6:29PM
So what!...I'm a brotha who loves blkwmen. Sisters...if you want a good blkman who is not on the "downlow", or won't "beat" you or "leave" you for a whtwman, email me at blkadonis7@aol.com. I'm waiting...
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By: michelle franklin on 11/09/2010 7:39PM
Its strange that they have calculated that 72% of black women had children out of wedlock, but what they forgot to say is that 72% of white women had children out of wedlock too, but they aborted them!!! They should give black women credit for not only being responsible for their mistake(as the world calls it) but at least we are not known constant killers!...which I'm sure God is proud of! We might have children out of wedlock ,but that doesn't mean we cant take care of them...remember we, as slaves, took care of their children and did a better job than they did with 2 parents. Also ,the women are the ones who truly raise the children anyway, because usually the fathers are at work making the money it takes to feed us, and when he gets home from work, he's tired and ready to eat ,shower,and take a nap,And mom and dad shares the weekends... so what's the difference? you people should learn to do more research on the "REAL POWER OF THE BLACK WOMEN"... At least all of our children are here as God planned and not sucked up in some tube at the abortion clinic!!! now your next article should be on the 72% of white women that got an abortion! now get to work on that article!
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